Sunday, April 7, 2013

journal for baby

the following is an excerpt from a journal i wrote while pregnant

95 days until November 28th. Although it could be sooner than that; maybe even afterwards. Only God knows. Still, my grandma thinks the later, for she believes the old wives tale of first babies always being two weeks late. I wouldn't know, I was two weeks early because my birth mom needed a C-section. And although, technically, I was a firstborn, I have two older half-brothers by my mom. Only time will tell I guess...

As I progress into my third and final trimester, I have been asked many questions; Am I ready for it to be over? How do I feel different? Can I tell what baby is up to in there? What are my feeding plans? Well let me tell you right now, I am definately planning on breastfeeding. I like the idea of losing the weight sooner, but also the fact that it's healthier for Jaina makes me determined to make it work. But what about those other questions?

Am I ready? Yes. And No. I mean, I'm excited to meet Jaina and get to hold her and teach her; but I also enjoy the small things. For example; laying quiet in bed listening to soft cello/piano music while feeling Jaina move to the music within me. Oh I know, there will be plenty of moments that are just as special after she's born; her smile, the first time she calls mommy and daddy by name, the first tooth, loosing that tooth, the first day of school, the last day of school, hearing the principal announce that Jaina Ann-Marie Gray is next in line as she steps up to shake his hand and recieve her diploma with the class of 2028.....but now I am jumping ahead of myself. Or am I? I mean, hold on! It's never too early! We need to start saving for college!!!

How do I feel different? When I get off a hard shift at work, I can feel my feet swelling from the pressure. This is usually relieved by in the recliner for about an hour while chugging the three glasses of water I didn't get while serving customers nonstop for 6 hours. Also, I have been helping a little more on Drive-Thru lately, and today while collecting money from someone I caught my reflection in the window. OMFG!!!! I thought I was looking in one of those distortion mirrors at the Fun House, but no. I am FAT! I had to laugh to myself as I realized my pregnancy is really unavoidable visually.

Ultrasounds aren't always reliable in predicting baby's gender. Can you tell for sure? It may sound crazy, but I've been able to tell since I first found out that I was pregnant. Also, I know they say you can't feel baby until well into the third or fourth month, but I'm positive that at two months I could feel her and already bonded with her. And even thought they say the baby doesn't hear outside voices until 4 1/2 to 5 months, at two months if I was feeling sick or something from too much 'swimming', a word to Jaina from daddy, even over the phone, would instantly calm her down. To this day, if Jaina is being overactive and kicking a lot, all Sean has to do is say "Jaina..." to my belly and she settles down, or if she keeps moving it's not so rough. She has always known her daddy's voice!

well, it's getting late, and my eyes are drooping. Time to end this for the night. Tomorrow I call to set up pre-marital counseling so that hopefully Sean and I can officially marry before Jaina gets here. Tentative date for the baby shower is October 24th. But now I must sleep....

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